I’ll kick off my Biblefox blog with a topic that’s been on my mind a lot recently. The lovely topic of…singleness.  Ah…singleness…  Yes, for those of you who don’t know me, I am single. And throughout the past 5 years or so, I’ve been on a roller coaster regarding this part of my life.  Sometimes I’ve been pretty content being single, and probably even LOVED being single.  And other times I’ve absolutely hated being single, and I’ve wanted nothing more than to be married.

I live with two other awesome single ladies, and we recently had our own little mini Book Club with another friend of ours and basically spent this last part of the summer reading and discussing Debbie Maken’s Getting Serious about Getting Married. There’s TONS I could share about the book, and what I think about it, what I got out of it, etc…  But, that’s not what I want this post to be about.  So I’ll just summarize my book thoughts, and say that although I don’t completely agree with everything Maken says, I think she provides some interesting thoughts and opinions regarding marriage and singleness.  It’s quite different from what I’ve normally read or heard regarding this topic, so it was good (and challenging) to just think through things and realize lies I’ve been believing about myself, about marriage, and ultimately, about God’s truth.

So anyway…we’ve been doing this book discussion, and actually concluded it a couple of weeks ago.  But we decided to get together one last time to kind of “end” this little mini-study or whatever you want to call it.  We wanted to find something that might be a bit of a contrast to Maken’s thoughts and opinions, so we decided to listen to one of John Piper’s teachings on singleness and come ready to share our thoughts the next time we meet (Tuesday).

So tonight, thanks to my two good friends Technology and The Internet, I was able to watch Piper’s teaching titled, Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters. You can click here to read, listen, watch or download the teaching. I highly recommend watching it versus reading or listening…there’s something about the way Piper delivers his messages that’s just really powerful.  He’s so passionate, and although I’m sure that comes out in reading his words or listening to him speak, there’s something about the added element of seeing him and watching him as he shares that’s just really cool.  And I love that you can “pause” it to write down your thoughts…his teachings are pretty “thick”, as Liz would say. I don’t know how people can listen to him in person and keep up with all that he’s saying!   Anyway…just my two cents…

Ok, back to the teaching.

I really appreciated the way Piper talked about a topic that quite frankly, to me, is hard to hear about. I mean, being 25 and single, I often feel a bit tired of hearing/reading people talk about the “gift of singleness.” When I’m surrounded by what feels like nothing but married people, the last thing I want to hear is that this is somehow a “gift.”  So I find myself getting a bit frustrated when this topic comes up, and I probably often just zone out and start daydreaming about something random like food or my job…

But Piper said some things that really struck me.

He started off by sharing that he was going to talk about 4 truths about Christ and His Kingdom that shine more clearly through singleness than through marriage.  Normally, I might have already started cringing, but I cut JP some slack and refrained from clicking the “STOP” button.

He went on to share about how relationships in Christ and their eternal blessings are FAR superior than any marriage relationship here on earth. Marriage and family are temporary and secondary, but the family of God is primary and eternal.

In Isaiah 56: 4-5, God promises to eunuchs blessings that are better than that of sons and daughters.  You mean there’s something better than your own physical children?  How could anything be better and more important and amazing that your own offspring?

Isaiah 53: 10 refers to Christ when it says, “he will see his offspring…”  But how can that be? Christ didn’t have any children. So what does this mean?  As Piper says:

He shall see his offspring. Here is a great prophecy: When the Messiah dies as an “offering for guilt” and rises again to “prolong his days,” he will by that great saving act produce many children: He will “see his offspring.” In other words, the new people of God formed by the Messiah will not be formed by physical procreation but by the atoning death of Christ.

Which is why the next chapter (Isaiah 54) begins, “‘Sing, O barren one, who did not bear; break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married,’ says the Lord” (Isaiah 54:1). And this is also why our text (Isaiah 56:5) says that unmarried covenant-keeping people will have “a monument and a name better than sons and daughters . . . [and] an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.” In the true people of God formed by Jesus Christ, monuments, names, offspring, and inheritances do not arise through marriage and procreation.

Piper also talks about Paul being single, yet 1 Corinthians 4:15 says, “…in Christ Jesus I (Paul) became your father through the gospel.”

And in one of the more powerful moments of Piper’s teaching, he reiterates his point that marriage and human relationships are temporary and are no sign of eternal blessing.  Being in God’s family, however, means being eternally blessed.

While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

I started crying at this point…  I mean, that is POWERFUL!!  and AMAZING!! We who have put our faith in Christ are the sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters of Christ Jesus.  We are a part of this eternal blessing, this INCREDIBLE family which none of us even deserve to be in!  I can’t imagine being there, watching Christ stretch out his hand and calling me His… gives me chills…

My tears kept rolling as Piper continued,

“Blessed is the womb that bore you, and the breasts at which you nursed!” a woman cried out to Jesus. And he turned and said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!” (Luke 11:27).

Another part of Piper’s teaching that really stuck out to me was towards the end…he talked about how some may ask, “Well then, isn’t it better to have both? The blessings of marriage AND the eternal blessings?” Piper goes on to give two answers or responses to this…

First, he says that blessings of being with Christ in heaven are so far superior to being married and having children, that to ask this is like asking, “God, if you’re going to give me the ocean, can’t I have a thimble as well?”

Man…those words hit me like a brick…  How selfish of me to ask the Lord for a thimble, for something that I want and I think is best, when in reality, he’s given me the OCEAN! And I should be rejoicing at this amazing blessing that I have and WILL HAVE for all of eternity!

Piper’s second response is that both marriage and singleness present us with unique trials for sanctification. “Unique”…not “the same.” And, as he says, there will be unique rewards for each. Which is better will depend NOT on whether you were married or single, but how you respond to each.

I thought that was a really good thought. Regardless of whether we are single or married, we are to focus on our faith in Christ, and we are called to hear and obey.

I’ll end with one final Piper thought that stood out to me. He shared again the incredible blessings that are promised to those who are single in Christ. But he isn’t saying it’s ok to extend irresponsible adolescence into your thirties. Instead, all the 25-year-old men and women need to go out and make sons and daughters and mothers and brothers – but not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ.

I think that part stood out to me because in the Maken book we read, she devoted a whole section to talking about how men prolong adolescence and singleness. And she came at it from the standpoint of men needing to quit being immature, and needing to step up and grow up, and get married sooner rather than later. So, basically, she was saying that men need to quit playing video games and hurry up and get married while they’re young. Piper’s saying the same thing…partially. He agrees that we need to quit piddling around and wasting our time, but his answer isn’t marriage. It’s growing the family of God through faith in Christ.

Anyway…it was good to hear his make this point, and especially the way he expressed it. ‘Cause it bothered me how Maken would just so matter-of-factly say things like, “the answer to [fill in the blank] is to just get married already.”

Like I mentioned earlier, I really appreciated the way Piper shared these thoughts.  I was left not feeling guilty or burdened or struggling with the whole, “Ok, now I should just WANT to be single for the rest of my life!”  No. I still believe it’s ok to want to be married someday, and those desires are normal and from the Lord.  BUT, for us to believe that marriage is the ultimate relationship, or for us to live as though marriage is a far better blessing than singleness is wrong.

The important thing to ask is am I living my life today, right now, in faith? Am I concerned about reaching out to others, and doing my part to advance the Kingdom of God? Do I want spiritual sons and daughters MORE than I want any specific sort of human family? Do I seek to grow the family of God, not by physically bearing children, but by regeneration through faith in Christ?

And do I believe that my relationship in Christ is ultimate?